Come - Thing a Thong...

Photo courtesy of grendelkhan. Thank you. A thong contest is a beautiful thing! Sometimes, the music is so loud that nobody will notice your lisp. I wonder what moron came up with the idea to put an "s" in the word "lisp", anyway. Even though I find a lisp cute and/or funny, I would never make fun of the person having a lisp. Especially, if they are depressed about it. I made a somewhat confusing lens, playing around with the words "thong" and "song". It might be a fun experiment to see how the search robots react to this. I can't wait! A Thong is a Beautiful Thing

Aging Rock Star - I'm talking about me...

Before this year is over, I wanted to look back - 40 years ago... I played in a semi-professional Top 40 band in Munich, Germany. Most of our gigs were for American soldiers stationed in one of the military bases in our area. We played rock, soul, R & B, you name it. We didn't play very good, but everyone drank a lot of beer and that made our music sound acceptable, I guess. Our band was called 'The Penny Dreadful": Josef - drums, vocals Harro - bass, vocals Juergen - keyboards, vocals Bernd, Andy, Rolf, Harry (one at a time, over the course of 4 years) - guitar Achim (Chef Keem) - keyboards, saxophone, percussion, vocals Earlier this year, my former band mates organized a reunion. They all played together again - without me, I'm in Texas now. My friends sent me pictures. I post one here, next to a black & white image from a contact print of our band promo material. It's amazing to look at these side by side, and wonder what happened with 40 years' worth of time. I'm looking at our old band pictures and it feels like it all happened...well...40 years ago. (In case you were wondering - I'm the second from the right in those old prints.)

2008 Giant Squid Awards - May I ask for your vote, please!

Would you please take a minute - wait, in all honesty, it'll take about 5 minutes - and cast your vote for the 2008 Giant Squid Awards? I am humbled and honored by my 3 nominations: Best Baking Lens - "Best Peach Cobbler Recipe" Best Lensography - "Chef Keem :: My Lensography" Giant of the Year - "Chef Keem" What can I say? There are so many deserving lenses and lensmasters - it's hard to make a single selection. On the other hand - you know what you like. And if that happens to be one of my lenses, or my personality for the Giant Award, I'd appreciate your vote in deep gratitude. Main thing - vote. Please. Thank you.

Food-testing is not as easy as you might think!

Take pop tarts. Which ones taste the best? Whoa! Not so fast! There are a few waaay more important things to consider before you can settle on the yummiest of them all. How about aerodynamics, hah? Wouldn't you want to know just how far your flatbed muffin ejects before you can burn your sticky fingers on it? Flammability? Don't you dare waving me off, pal! Recent statistics have shown that far more kitchen fires could be prevented if people would eat their breakfast foods in a semi-frozen state. Your toaster should be toast! Anyway, I want you to go and check out this hilarious page about the best Toaster Pastries. Be safe.

My AGASWEET has a new face!

About 4 years ago, I created AGASWEET flavored agave nectar - a low-glycemic and diabetic-friendly natural sweetener made from the juice of the agave plant. Last year, the "biggies" approached me - Whole Foods market, Central Market Texas, etc. I decided to play in the big leagues - and it almost bankrupted me. It takes money to make money. But when do you make money? That's the question... To make a long, nasty story short - I found a young and energetic couple of entrepreneurs as new business partners. We improved on the flavorings and designed a new label for my AGASWEET. Things are looking up again. Come by for a visit, would you? The New AGASWEET Flavored Agave Nectar

What do "real men" do when it's cold outside?

They stay in...inside their pink, blue, or black fuzzy bunny slippers. That's right. What could be better than a lazy Sunday morning without any pressure whatsoever, and there's time to play around in the kitchen, harassing your small appliances? Nothing, for a chef. Now you see what I look like when I'm not in the glaring lime light of public attention. (Which is, most of the time!) I poke some fun at myself in this lens. And, I offer you some cool fuzzy large-size bunny slippers for men and for sale. So you can, too. (Poke fun at yourself, that is.) Fuzzy Bunny Slippers

Two questions, turkey slaughter, and Squidoo tips!

Seemingly unrelated - these crossed my mind, today. Why do they advertise "restaurants with an extensive wine list" in a radio commercial? With traffic noise in the background it sounds like "expensive". Why do men go to strip clubs to watch sports and eat cheap steaks? The Gov should have chosen a different background: For a collection of my Squidoo Tips go to my lightly humorous sub-lensography.

Ribeye Steak with Las Vegas Legend Andre Rochat

Chef Andre is my friend and mentor. I'm so proud of that. Imagine... This French Master Chef has helped to make Vegas the culinary destination it is today. Only he started doing this 25 years ago. His legendary restaurants, "Andre's" and "Alize", have raised the food quality standards long before Keller, Flay, even Puck had set foot in "Sin City". Andre Rochat likes to go salmon fishing. So, for the last 6 years he came to the Driftwood Lodge in SE Alaska, where yours truly is the executive chef for the coho season. He's my guest, and you bet he makes me nervous. But much more so, he inspires me to cook the best food I'm able to produce, every evening. Andre is a very generous guy. He cooks dinner for all his fishermen friends on the last night of the week-long stay at the lodge. I help him with prep, and I usually make the dessert. We all look forward to this culinary experience: Chef Andre's steak au poivre, with bourbon cream sauce and potatoes au gratin. Visit my Squidoo lens for a peek behind the scenes - when a true master cooks a perfect ribeye steak.

2 Hot Tips Are Better Than One, Right?

Reading this in the "Specialty Food News": "Down economy increases chicken pot pie sales..." "...23%..." Cluck. Chicken pot pie, Shmicken pot pie. There are some lenses already made. What about all the other pot pies? Beef, turkey, vegetable, wild boar, antelope, rabbit, armadillo... Shouldn't you be off making beautifully aromatic Squidoo pages about the luscious world of pot pies? "PotPieWorld." Not "PotPieGirl" - she's got one of the best blogs for lensmasters. Go, check it out. This was "Hot Tip" #1. Stay tuned for... "Hot Tip" #2: Learn how to blog, better and better and better - here , here and here. Not necessarily in that order. (O.k. - these were "Hot Tips" #2, 3, and 4. Sosumi.) I'm so honored by you dear followers of this blog. Thank you from the bottom of my charred chef's heart.

Progress Report #1: Zip & Lift

I'm just thinking... Why do we get these "easy-zip", "instant-rip", "re-sealable" food packages now where we can't find the notch to begin our ripping? And why are these re-sealable bags so hard to re-seal? (Press the two ribs together on one end and swipe across for the best way to be left with a yawning opening.) Why all the newest convenience technology if I have to put that thing in a plastic bag, anyway? Why have a pull-off lid on a can of condensed milk? If you're not extremely careful during the last stage of "pulling" - the lids snaps off and cuts your finger. The good news is, the wound will dry quickly under a mess of sticky condensed milk. Why is progress sometimes such a pain in the kitchen?

A "Sweet" Poll! Obama, Chocolate, and You!

Interesting! Mr. Obama's favorite chocolate is Smoked Sea Salt Caramel in Milk Chocolate, from Seattle-based "Fran's Chocolates". He loves to cook chili. He doesn't eat much sweets. Except for pumpkin pie. I can identify with our president-elect's taste. How about you? Would you like to learn more about these exquisite truffles (pictures!) and voice your opinion in a series of funny little "sweet" polls? Would you like to browse some wonderful chocolate offers and other delectables in this Holiday Gift Shopping Guide with Obama's favorite foods? Mosey on over to my new Squidoo page on Obama's Favorites...

FREE tickets for 2009 Inauguration! Only $10,800.99

Saw it on TV, this morning: people spend a fortune on tickets for January 20th. Crazy! Why? Tickets aren't even being sold, yet. They'll be released to Congressional personnel less than a week before the event. Brokers hope to get a piece of the pie. Basically - by buying them from insiders. These tickets will be given out for free. Contact your Congressman or State Rep for info. However, some tickets will be sold. For arms, legs, and even more important extremities! I collected all the relevant info on one page. This one! And while you're there, check out my HOT recommendations of what you could buy INSTEAD of a ticket to the Presidential Inauguration Ceremonies 2009...

Best leftover recipe to die from (after the holidays)!

Some dishes are so good you don't care if they kill ya, right? You just want to eat and eat - unfortunately, you can't eat all that much of a truly rich dish. I always regretted that. Why is it that the better and richer a meal is, the sicker you get after fewer bites? People realized this many years ago and coined the phrase "Life ain't fair". Or something. This year in Alaska, I had a bunch of cooked red potatoes and a handful of thinly-sliced Idahos (from a scalloped potato dish) left-over. Lazy bum I am, I thought about using these for another side dish that evening. What's better than taters, bacon, and onions? Well - "with cream", for starters. That's better! So, I came up with a potato green bean carrot bacon onion gruyere casserole recipe. In short - pgbcbogcr. But I digress... I show you exactly how to make this thing, with tons of pictures and step-by-step instructions - here: Best Potato Casserole In The Universe

Freedom of Speech - definable?

A couple of years ago, somebody burned an American flag. Protesting something, of course. My friend said: "I feel like beating the s**t out of them!" I said: "Freedom of speech, buddy!" He said: "Exactly. It's MY opinion that THEY are wrong, so I have the legally protected freedom to beat them up." I doubt it. Where does Freedom of Speech stop? Where do we draw the line? Who'll be the judge? People suffered from repercussions.

Baby-Naming Frenzy! "Obama" "Barack" "Michelle"

Would you name your baby "Obama"? "Barack"? "Michelle"? "Britney"? The question is: do you think about the later years in your baby's life, when kiddo's got to run around with a "funny" name? Will "Obama" still represent the hope of America? Hopefully, yes. Will "Britney" still make 'em faint? Probably, not. Voice your opinion on my page: "Top Baby Name Obama"

Perfect for the Holidays - Cream Puff Swans!

Do you know how to make a French Pastry Cream? (Now you do!) A batch of this rich vanilla custard is always good to have on hand - for a simple dessert with fruit, chocolate, cookies, etc. More importantly, you'll need this classic preparation called "creme patisserie" for a tasty filling of cream puffs and pastry swans. "Oohs" and "Aahs" are guaranteed when you present this fancy dessert on a beautifully "painted" plate. Find detailed instructions with step-by-step photos of the procedure on my new Squidoo lens: Cream Puffs and Pastry Swans

How to make the world a better place...

How do we make the world "a better place"? By contributing our own part - big or small! A 10%- donation of our lens earnings is not too much for most (if not all) of us, but if hundreds or (gasp!) thousands of Squidoo lensmasters come together in such a campaign - the impact can be huge! This is what Squidoo is all about - small, painless, individual contributions to charity, multiplied through the sheer number of generous members. This lens shall highlight some of our most charitable folks on Squidoo.com: The "Squidoo Charity Boosters"! Go visit and give them a "big hand" because - 10% will change the world! The Squidoo Charity Boosters

Moistest, richest, easiest brownie. The Recipe.

I've made thousands of them - and they still want more! LOL! Talking about my brownies...they love 'em! Especially my Alaska lodge guests - all 14 of 'em. I need to make a full pan every day! Yes, they "go" fast... Nice thing about it, you can customize the recipes so easily. Want more chocolate? Just add a cup or two of dark chocolate chips. Or milk chocolate chips. White, butterscotch, toffee, whatever. Works all with this recipe. Under-bake them a bit, if you like. Yumm. Gooey. Good! These brownies are even good after a couple of days in the fridge. With hot coffee...oh, my! My new Squidoo lens shows you exactly how to make these marvelous morsels of mmirvana... (sorry - my mouth is full!). Lots of detailed pictures of the procedure, even a couple of offers for interesting new brownie pans, and more... "Fabulous Brownies Recipe"